That's it. I'm done. I'm so tired of this... this stupid attitude of mine.
I am tired of waiting. I am so tired of crying. My tears are never ending just because of stupid persons. Persons that are so insensitive that don't even bother to understand how I feel if they do this and that. Yes, its also my fault why I believed them but they were just so good pretenders; you wouldn't know if they were the real thing or just good-to-be-true imitations. I feel like an idiot expecting them to feel how I feel, that they were the ones who I have been waiting for. ha! How could I be so stupid..
Love is causing me so much pain; excruciating, burning pain. It trapped me into this hollow world. A world where the consequence of every move is a teardrop. Yes, droplets of water from the eyes are my prizes for every decision I make whether it be good or bad. I didn't know such a world exists but "these people" introduced me to it and never taught me how to escape. Maybe they thought I can do it on my own but I guess I can't. Its just too hard. I need help. But the irony of life rises. The people I thought could help are the people who brought me into this chaotic isolation. I think i'm alone but i'm not. There are persons around me but not to help. No, no. but to make me suffer even more. But still, there are good ones. Unfortunately, they would't be able to do anything without I helping myself. As this loop goes, I can't help myself again because again, i need someone. ahhhhhh! i can't even understand myself already. Point is: I should learn how to help myself before asking help from other people.
I admit i'm an imbecile sometimes, very. I keep on saying i'll stop but I defy my own promises and I can't control it. I know I have to and I'm really trying but then again, I realize that maybe it will return and i'll enjoy what i had before. I'm too feebleminded. I can't take it. This has got to stop..
Sooner or later.. it will. I'll get over it. I do believe. I do. I do.
posted by maikela at Tuesday, March 20, 2007 |
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