i can't cry now because someone will see. i can't let my mom see what i am going through right now because i know i would have to explain it to her and i also know that right there and then, i will burst into tears. i can't keep it in much longer and i'm hoping that writing this blog will make me feel a little better...
i am hurt. i am so hurt and i don't know what to do.
i wanna explode. i wanna cry and scream because i feel miserable and betrayed. i never thought a time like this would happen and since it did, i feel like hell. i don't deserve to feel this because i know i did nothing wrong. i should not be blamed for what happened. i never even thought about him having somebody else.. i had "feelings" but i hoped those were just feelings. i never wished for them to turn into reality.
how could he do this to me. i was a person doing everything just to see him happy. i wanted to see him happy because he makes me so happy, too.. i love him and i know he loves me. for a long time, i have been raising and raising my limits. but now, it has gone waaaaay above and i can't keep up with it no more. everytime i see him, my heart beats fast: i know i love him but i have to love myself, too.. i have loved him so dearly and i don't know why he had the thought of doing that to me.
i wanna scream.
i wanna cry.
i wanna shout.
i wanna lie on the sand beside the beach and just relax...
i wanna get away.
i want to be happy again.
posted by maikela at Friday, October 23, 2009 |