Since I was little, I always believed that there was something special in me. I stood out from the rest even though sometimes I just don’t want people to notice everything I do. Ever since, I kept asking myself if there was any reason for everything that is happening. Like, why do I get high grades and be on the honor roll even though I don’t study? Why is it that I presentations in grade school, I am always dancing in front? Why do I get chosen to declaim or enter a singing contest or enter in literary contests when I don’t even think I’m that good? Why, of all persons, does it have to be me? Is there any special reason for it?
Yes, I know everyone has their own unique qualities that make them stand out. But, I can’t help thinking that I am really different from them. There’s just this “something” I feel but could not explain. Am I meant to be someone that does things others cannot?
However, sometimes, it depresses me. There are always moments that I reject all these thoughts thinking that these are just things that I want to believe. Maybe I am just a very normal, ordinary, regular girl that is like everyone else who just thinks too much of herself. Some people may say that my life is nearly perfect because it seems like I have everything I want. Well, the truth is, I don’t. 2 out of 100 % of the time, I get jealous of others because they have what I want and those things that I want, I can’t have. Even if I try so hard to the point that I bleed, I still can’t get them.
I am selfish. Sometimes, I get so insensitive that I hurt other people even though I didn’t intend to. I am sorry for that….
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Now, I am just so sad. So so sad… I am here in my room watching animes in youtube and writing this blog post. There is a thanksgiving party outside this room and everybody’s enjoying but me. Why? Because I have no one to talk to. I have no visitors. My friends here in Valencia can’t come because they said our house is far and they have nobody to go with. If my sister’s friends can come here all the way from Cagayan, why can’t they? 30 minutes travel time is little compared to 3 hours from Cagayan. I guess I’m not that important for them anymore. We haven’t talked a lot since 2nd year so maybe yeah, they have their own life now. I want to be in Cagayan. My friends there treat me like I am special. They cancel whatever they have to do if I have problems and its always a lot of fun when I’m with them even though we just keep strolling in malls or hanging out in mcdo. They know how to be good friends. No, great friends. I love them. And I miss them…
posted by maikela at Friday, May 02, 2008 |
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